...you shouldn't know these things...

Just came back from clubbin. Went to a place called Aiko here in ATL. Its a Japanese bistro by day and a bar that most Asian college students in Atlanta go to at night. I go there more because I can float in without a cover charge and my favorite bar-maiden tends bar there. I spent $11 tonight and had 3 beers and a Hurricane Camille (her signature tonic.) Not bad at all. I also go there for the scenery. Have you ever seen beautiful Asian girls dance to reggae? Dance with each other? If not then you're missing it. You know what though? I hate going to these places by myself sometimes. I don't realize how much I miss having a girlfriend until then. Its the alcohol making me remember how I miss her touch and her voice. Just when I think that I have forgotten her ways, I didn’t-- I just shoved them into my subconscious. On the drive home I started to think... Why did we break up? Oh yeah, that whole selfish with her feelings thing... That whole "not thinking about me at all" thing. The "my future is planned, but no J in it" thing. Oh yeah, that’s in there, but I think of the really good times too... Like being in Chicago for the Randolph Street Fair, and her sleeping in my lap at the beach on Lake Michigan. Or the way her eyes lit up while we talked atop Rokko Mtn in Kobe Japan... or simple stuff like her cute snoring when she sleeps... Yeah, Id be a fool to say that I didn't miss her. But my point is that she doesn’t miss me. She put me outta her life. Didnt even have time to say she was doing it! Although I am so lonely right now, I must continue the fight to secure my future. I have no kids, and no responsibilities to no one other that myself. I should count my blessings. I achieved the goal of gainful employment in my field of study in only 4 months after moving back to STL. I even passed the State Department Foreign service exam... I maybe moving back to Japan then. Which is my dream. The reason I set out on this seemingly endless quest. All I wanted was to live there for at least 3 years. All I wanted was to do my thing. All I wanted was to love her. And be loved. All I still want is to be wanted. But you shouldn’t know these things...    

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