J7TV powered by StreetSide Media

24 October 2009

20 Things You Should Know When Going to a Club


Dave Chappelle

I don’t claim to be an expert on this subject (or any other, for that matter), but there are certain things I’ve observed while being dragged out to clubs by my (much cooler) friends. Chief among those realizations were “I don’t belong here,” and “I want to skip to the part where we get Denny’s.” But the following is a list of findings that may be slightly more relevant to other people.

1. Guys: If a girl is ignoring your dancing out on the floor, you will NOT win her over with more dancing.

2. Just because the bartender is “hot” does not mean they’re “flirting with you,” despite what it may seem like when you’re drunk.

3. Sitting at the bar is fine. That’s what the stools are for. But if forty people are waiting to squeeze by you to get an order in, you might want to consider getting THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY.

4. Double-fisting drinks will save you a second trip to the bar, as long as you don’t mind looking like a crazy drunkard.

5. Girls in line outside: We get it. You’re cold.

6. Long Islands are a cheap, quick way to get drunk. They’re also a cheap, quick way to barf, so control your damn self.

7. Bouncers: There’s no reason to be hostile when kicking people out. Calling me names won’t make me stop vomiting aaany faster.

8. Guys: The only way to be swarmed by a bunch of hot girls on the dance floor is to be their one gay friend.

9. Girls: Don’t go to a straight club to “get away from guys” for a night. That’s like going to Marine World to get away from dolphins.

10. Everyone is allowed to do the Robot once, but only as a joke, and at your own risk.

11. No one is allowed to “crank that Soulja Boy” anymore. Not even Soulja Boy.

crank that soulja boy

12. Boyfriends: Until someone invents sexy dresses with pockets, you will act as your girlfriend’s substitute purse.

13. Your Jordans are not classy. The “high-school-basketball-player-at-an-away-game look” no longer suffices at this age.

14. Sunglasses are a good way to let people know you’re trying too hard.


15. If you’re not going to dance, you should be drinking something. Because really those are the only two activities offered at a club. Otherwise, it looks like you wandered in by accident.

16. The go-go dancer is not interested in you.

17. I’ve never seen anyone happy when a DJ switches from hip-hop to techno. If people wanted techno they’d be at a techno club. Or a laser-tag place.

18. From what I hear (constantly), all women’s shoes unfailingly feel like medieval torture devices by the end of the night.

painful shoes

19. Guys: It’s not worth it to start fights with ignorant drunks. Some of them are ignorant and drunk enough to stab somebody.

20. Ignorant drunks: Don’t fucking stab anybody.

I got this from my homeboy Tommy Adams in Kawasaki-- Always posting some wild stuff on facebook. Thought I'd share it with others out there that always think about the same things when you fall of in the club...

Posted via web from ...all about starrwulfe...

Share |