Multi-Culti Love
One Man’s Perspective.
By td houchen
Lots of foreign dudes get caught up in the “yellow fever” phenomenon once arriving in Japan.
You know what I mean, you get here, Japanese women show you lots of attention, you get used to it fast, suddenly, you’ve got 5 or 6 or 14 girlfriends. You’re juggling girls like a friggin’ circus freak-show, this girl gets Thursdays, this one gets Fridays, the other one gets holidays, this other one gets birthdays, this other one is a monthly, that one is good for a weekly love motel visit, this one takes you out to dinner on Wednesday nights, that next one comes over and cooks onTuesdays, Saturday nights are for trying to get more new girls, Sundays are for rest, and then you try to also reserve space somehow for your “main” girl,somehow. Oh yeah, can’t leave out the girls you have in other prefectures, the ones who you still have in your own country, etc.
Come on fellas. Don’t front. Don’t pretend that this isn’t you. Maybe not all of us, but damn sure LOTS of us easily fall into this type of lifestyle after having been here a short while. I know one dude who had 9 girlfriends at one point, and this dude brought them all out at the same time and sat them all down to eat at dinner to break up with them all simultaneously. Now that is either a ballsy, really confident dude, or a total asshole bent on self-destruction, or both.
Listen, I never and don’t intend to pass judgement on anyone living this lifestyle. It’s just too damn easy here in Japan to fall into this type of life, and coming from repressive-ass America, where just getting a damn kiss from those “liberated” American chicks can be a small damn miracle,
What I want to talk about is the “hows” and “whys” of this kind of life. And, some of the ish that goes along with trying to collect these Japanese girls like they are stamps, or postcards, or bad habits.
First though, I want to discuss how lots of dudes here lose small pieces of their soul by getting involved in the chase.
As foreign men, Western men, I know, we have some sort of code we live by when it comes to chasing women. One of these codes is that you don’t mess with your boys girl. In other words, if your man has a girlfriend, you DON’T flirt with her, you DON’T scheme behind his back on how to get his chick ,you DON’T put your boy’s business on blast so his girl can find out and LEAVE HIM FOR YOU-in other words, you don’t stab your boy in his back just to get some ass, or whatever the case may be.
There’s lots and lots of dudes here walking around with stab wounds between their shoulder blades. Are you one of them? Or-are you one of the dudes carrying the knife? Which one are you? Both? End the cycle.
Lots and lots of dudes IGNORE these rules of manhood in favor of the cheap thrill of sometimes just a one-nighter with these Japanese chicks. I gotta ask, is it worth it? Are you THAT hard up? You mean you can’t find YOUR OWN DAMN GIRL out of these millions of willing women here? You have to scheme on your boy’s girl, risk your friendship, professional relationships, work environment, reputation, not to mention risking getting your ass kicked JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN’T CONTROL YOURSELF AND RESPECT YOUR BOY’S GIRL?
WTF fellas? I have heard of TOO MANY fights, broken friendships, lost jobs, punches in the eye, scratched up cars, busted up music equipment, destroyed relationships, just because some dude HAD TO HAVE his boy’s girl, even for just one night ! ONE NIGHT. Like my man Jason would say, that’s that bullshit. I am of the notion that ain’t no p in the world worth all that nonsense, and when you forget that, then you have lost a piece of your soul homie. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, or someone does it for you.
Why is it that once dudes arrive here, they forget everything they have learned about The Code Of Manhood back in their home countries? What’s wild is that here, there is way more than enough to go around, like I said, there’s dudes with eleventeen girlfriends here, so why the hell is dude scheming on my girl?
Musicians are notorious for this. I guess because they work at night, small clubs, and there is a limited amount of women who are going to these clubs. If you find yourself involved with a woman that comes to the clubs, chances are really really good that your boy, the bass player, the drummer, the guitar player, the singer, one of them cats, is scheming on your girl. Even if you tell your boys that YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL, they laugh at you and pull your card and ridicule you and MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG FOR TRYING TO KEEP IT REAL WITH THIS ONE GIRL….wtf is up with THAT shit? Is our world SO DAMN CYNICAL that a man can’t at least TRY to have a sincere relationship without his boys clowning him, AND THEN them same cats are trying to creep up from behind?
Get a life.
But it DEFINITELY is not only musicians. English teachers do the same ish, only in less obvious and less devious ways. Sometimes. They hang out at the same limitednumber of bars, pubs and clubs, where the same limited number of Japanese women frequent, and they scheme on how to take the girl their friends are talking to, flirt shamelessly with their friends girlfriends and friends, and basically DON’T CARE to show ANY respect for their friends’ girls, wives, etc. THEY JUST GOTTA HAVE IT, like Spike said.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Cats have lost visas., been reported to immigration, and gotten deported over stupid ish like this. Like I said, fights break out, friendships are lost forever, reputations get destroyed and it all happens on a daily basis in our small-ass foreign community.
For what? Some ass? Some not-that-good-anyway ass? Be for real.
Get a grip fellas, if this is you, take stock of what you are doing before it’s too late. I’m not saying having 5 or 6 or 32 girlfriends is necessarily a bad thing, I’m saying don’t eff with your boys’ girl, your boys’ wife, or the honey your boy has already told you he is checking for. LEAVE IT ALONE, it ain’t worth it, keep it moving.
Now, I want to talk about some reasons WHY dudes here stock up on chicks like there’s some kinda girl shortage here. If you agree, cool, if you don’t, cool, this is, like the title suggests, one man’s opinion, if you don’t like what you’re reading you can stop NOW. I’m not getting paid to write this, I just dig writing, it’s what I do.
Here in Japan, we all know Japanese do not allow themselves any real form of expression. They hold all their emotion inside, and the truth is, they expect us to do the same, but for the most part, we ain’t really having it. If you were raised in a land where EXPRESSION is encouraged and supported, it is hard as hell to keep all your ish inside all the damn time. Expression is how you show who you are and what you feel, and Japanese are doing every damn thing they can to HIDE who they are and what they feel, it’s exactly opposite from what we have learned is the way to live. In my opinion, it is pure soul murder, but that’s just my opinion.
Back to the topic at hand, having 3 or 4 girls allows you to spread out your emotional expression, instead of you having to focus it all on one person. Lord knows, living in this country is like Chinese arithmetic, so you NEED those extra girls to lubricate your existence here. If you brought all your emotional baggage to just one girl everyday here, honey WOULD NOT be able to handle it. Funny thing is, they wouldn’t WANT to handle it either, nobody wants to hear anybody else’s ish too much or too often, and these Japanese girls DAMN SURE don’t want to hear you complain about their f*cked up society. All they want is a good time, a nutt or two, and again, KEEP IT MOVING. So, as effed up as it sounds, sometimes, life in this country almost DEMANDS that you have a few honies spread out, they help you manage, and that is REAL TALK.
Another reason dudes here pile honies like Wayne stacks paper is not so obvious, but real none-the-less.
We are not home. We are in a strange land with strange customs and little, if any, real friendships or family. Sometimes, in lots of cases, sex and relationships with women replace real friendships and real connections. It’s like a drug. Some people shoot dope or smoke herb or indulge in the alcohol to dull the pain of being alone, other dudes pick up chicks like a dog picks up sticks. With a different girl at your beck and call every night of the week, you never have to deal with the fact that YOU ARE ALONE, and NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE, and worse, no one cares. As men, we are taught that being insensitive is what we are supposed to be. Here in Japan, Japanese practice a sort of I-don’t-care-about-anything-or-anyone type of attitude, and they damn sure go out of their way to show you, the “gaijin”, that you don’t mean shit to them. You may THINK it doesn’t affect you, but it does.
And you can’t always be insensitive in an already insensitive culture.
It’ll break you.
You can “play the role”, whatever role you have carved out for yourself, with each girl you are with on any particular night, and never really have to be yourself.You may not know it, or recognize it when you are doing it, but being able to invent a new personality is wildly intoxicating. You get to RECREATE YOUR ENTIRE BEING, change your history, change your personality, wipe away your past and BECOME SOMEONE COMPLETELY NEW here in Japan. I KNOW we all know lots of dudes are doing everything BUT keeping it real, but that’s their choice, and sometimes, we HAVE to make that choice, because reality is such a scarce commodity here in the first place.
Lots of dudes here are going through a certain kind of PERMANENT IDENTITY CRISIS everyday of their lives here without knowing it, and having a bevy of girls allows them to NEVER HAVE TO REMEMBER who they really are. You know dudes like this. They are lost, but they don’t know they are lost. Are YOU lost?
Another reason similar to and tied to the previous mentioned one, is that Japan and Japanese impose an INFERIORITY complex on foreigners. They make you feel small, make you feel like you don’t belong, make you feel like you are some kind of alien, freak, outcast, weirdo, loser, clown, scumbag, criminal, villain, idiot, and all you did was SHOW UP. So, to compensate, lots of times, to get back at this society, you start collecting and boning as many women as you possibly can to bring some balance to your sense of self-esteem. Having and being able to score lots of women makes you feel better, it’s that simple, and in this society, whatever feels good or makes you THINK you feel better is VERY NECESSARY. Japanese people have NO IDEA how much pain their society inflicts on people who are NOT Japanese. Living here hurts like a needle on fire being shoved into your spine, how can I get rid of the pain? Girl, please. Make that five girls. Or six. And while you’re at it, bring your girl too, she’s cute.
Again, I am not saying this behavior is RIGHT or WRONG, I am just saying IT EXISTS and trying to make some sense of it. If you fit into any of these categories, I’m pointing them out to let you know that you are not crazy, and shed some light on why you may be doing some of the things you are doing. Lots of times we are completely isolated in this little paranoid country, and we start doing stuff and thinking things, and we wonder, “wait, am I going crazy? Am I The Only Oneexperiencing this?” No, you’re not. The only way to cure a sickness is to know you have it, that’s what this is about. If you are on the hunt constantly because you are tired of being discriminated against, either overtly or subtly, and you are on a mission to “get them back” –(Japanese society)-, then you have lost a small piece of your soul. Check yourself.
Another reason, (!), sorta like the one mentioned a few paragraphs above, is that, let’s face it, these Japanese women are exceptionally sexy, they’re clean, exotic,they actually like sex, which, I’m not all that sure if my American women do or not, they never let you know it, women’s lib be damned-but as sexy and exotic and clean as they are, Japanese women for the most part seem to somehow not really be ‘whole’ women. By this I mean, this one can cook, that one likes music, this one has a car, that other one has a nice place and lives on her own, that one speaks a little English, that one has dough, this one dresses nicely, that other one has a decent personality, that one over there has a nice ass, you get the picture? It seems really hard to find one Japanese girl who has The Total Package. So again, you compensate. You collect 5 or 6 all over the place, and you exhaust yourself going from one to the other trying to put all the pieces together and get the “effect” of having one good girl. That ish is tiring. Jumping around, trying on different personalities and whatnot, it takes the joy out of the potential romance, and from what I’ve seen here, romance is something this country could use a little more of, no, check that, a LOT more of. When you have 5 girls, there is no time to develop that lovin’ feeling for just one of them, or even two, because you are spreading yourself too thin..you’re always on the hunt for what the girl can give you, instead of what you can give the girl, and again, in this instance, you have lost a little piece of your soul always being on the hunt for what you can get. Ask yourself, had a decent kiss lately?
Another reason dudes here pack chicks is because these Japanese girls are QUICK to come out the pocket on some “what-do-you-need” type ish. I can’t comment much on this one bacuse I NEED A NEW WATCH. For real though, real talk.
My last reason why I think dudes here mack chicks like Obama signs stimulus checks, is because JAPAN IS BORING AS HELL AND THERE AIN’T NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT CHASE THESE WOMEN.
If Japan would loosen up, and Japanese would allow themselves to really have a good time, (ever seen a salariman dance? wtf???), then maybe we’d have time to think of something else to do. But in the meantime, chasing women here is the national pastime of foreign dudes, and it ain’t likely to change anytime soon. It’s whatwe do. It’s how we get down. It’s our ish. That’s just the way it is.
Well, that’ s my two cents. For better or for worse, I write this just as my own relationship is beginning to fall apart due to me falling into one, or two, or all of these situations. I came here with good, if not great intentions, just like we all do. But, I fell victim to lots of this same ish I speak about here, and now, after 6 years, I too have lost a little piece of my soul, along with some other precious things.
I thought I’d put this out there and get some feedback about how other cats are feeling, what they are doing, how they are coping, etc.
What do you think?
Tell your truth, or, just KEEP IT MOVING.
I am not asking for anyone’s approval, as I said, I am not judging anyone, just throwing some light.
Japan ain’t easy, they are after your soul…
HOLLA.
tdh
This is an experiment of sorts to try to tie together my online identity and my offline personality. I've made plenty of business oriented sites, but I have never actually put together one for myself personally... With the advent of social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace along with blog sites like Blogger and Twitter, I find that I have cut a wide swath here in the internet, in terms of being actively online, but there isn't one place to really tie that information together. So this will be an attempt at doing so.