The Adventures of J.L. Gatewood: RANmagazine: SISOSIG-YardWork

By J.L. Gatewood
Greetings fellow Also-RANs. I'll save the lengthy introduction; you should know me by now, or at least have read that one "Gaijin Superstar" volume of this tome, issue 4 if you need to refer back to it. In that one, I introduced myself as the staffer here who actually came under his own volition, with out the aid of psychedelic drugs, extortion, or other dark influences, to JapanLand. I started this journey physically in 2001, but really before that as a teen in 1991 growing up in the Nikkei infested sprawl that is Los Angeles.
I'm penning this edition of SISSIG "Yardwork" because some of us need to maintain our lawns, our mental greenery. Specifically, living here in Japan for certain lengths of time causes us to want to peer over our psychological fences and stare at our neighbor's seemingly lush gardens. Stare at their seemingly soft, carpet like turf, and HATE. Don't be decieved though. The grass is not as green over there as you think...
Since being in and outta Japan for 10 years, people have started regarding me as some sort of "Life In Japan SAGE" or something to that effect. Don't be fooled though; I have been known to go days on end absolutely HATING this place. Any mention of conversation about medical care, government, taxes (and payment thereof), grocery shopping, traveling during Golden, Silver, and New Years week, or buying a plane ticket back to the States-- has the same mental effect on me as if Freddy Kruger scratched his hand-knives across a chalkboard a mere 2cm away from my ears... やだ。Guess what y'all, I'M HUMAN TOO! I get tired of being in a different environment...even though I CHOSE to be here under my own volition. The key here though is, I don't go raining on someone else's parade about it every 5 seconds.
Some of y'all out there are fed up with Japan for various reasons... That's good. Healthy too. Maybe it's time for you to move on to something new. But God gave me two ears for a reason... I heard ya TWICE the first time, ya dig? So please spare me the re-run and don't keep spouting the same "GTFO Japan" spiel to me everytime you see me in Kanayama, in Sakae, and Mei-eki. Maybe I like it here man... Maybe I can put up with JapanLand's ideosyncrasies more than you... Maybe I like those things that you hate...
As for me being a sage on AllThingsJapan... Well, no. I don't pretend to even come close to that moniker; anyday you'll find me asking for advice from someone as well. I can only tell you what works for me. Everyday is a struggle, but for the sadist in me, this is why I love my experience here. Because its hard work. Not everyone can do this. Not everyone is able to pick a life up and set it down in a totally foreign spot on Earth and make like its the same thang, different longitude. Then again, not everyone can be an astronaut, basketballer, or hip-hop superstar. Just like drinking, you should know when you've had enough and just say no.
It's not giving up, or giving in; its moving on and finally letting your lawn grow the way its supposed to grow. As for me-- Well like my homie Adam P said in this same column in issue 4-- "נρη 4 ℓуƒє вιт¢нєѕ!"
When I've had my fill of this joint, I'll save you the drama, and just push away from the bar, take my ball, and go home.