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08 October 2010

Resolution revolution

I miss my family. I miss my friends, I miss my pets. I miss 200 different beers, 10 different flavors of hot wings, 2 brothers and one sis. I miss steak n' shake with mom, benny's burritos with dad, and catfish and fries with granny and grandad. 

My life is good in Japan...  But there's this house next door...  And it's Nagoya-- 2 million strong,  big-ass city with like 120,000 people just in my WARD...  so houses are super-close. Walls are thinner than notebook paper.  So I can hear a gnat fart from four doors down!  Anyway, just trying to illustrate the point that I can hear a lot of the goings-on of this house next door. 

There's a family-- Mom, Dad, and 2 small kids.  a girl and a boy.  And like most small kids, one minute they're laughing, crying the next...  But the parents are always playing with them.  The dad works some long hours I think.  I heard him complaining about it. (damn my Japanese is getting good if I can understand complaining while eavesdropping!) His son, who had gotta be just under 5 years-old or so, says, "well you gotta work. I wanna play with you everyday, but fathers must work." The dad says, "why do you think that?" "Because, that's how we get ice cream!" 

I must have laughed for 20 minutes after that (and I'm sure they heard me laughing...  and know why I was laughing...) But it made me homesick a little...  It reminded me of my parents, and grandparents...  It reminded me that my family is far away.  It made me jealous of my Japanese friends, and my students-- they can see their family anytime...  

...Then I realized why I sacrificed that feeling...

I have to have a better resolve.  I have to remember that I am here for something and I have to remember that I gave up a lot to get this far.  I have to make this thing I'm after WORK.  I have to have RESOLVE. 

If you go back to some of the earlier posts in this tome, you can see what I was going through then...  Trust and believe, it was a lot worse that what I could share on the net.  Now that I'm back in Japan, the job is half over...  

...And the hard part is about to begin...  Coming here was liberating.  But true freedom lies in accomplishing the goal; becoming free to believe in one's self.  

I set a high goal, but that's ok.

I'm not afraid of heights.

Posted via email from ...all about starrwulfe...

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